can't sleep

tonight is kinda weird, can't really sleep. usually i don't really have any problem sleeping. guess it's the one of the few occasional night i'm having insommia. lately things ain't really the same as usual, i'm stepping on a milestone of my life. i'm ending my poly life and starting NS life soon.

reflecting on my 3 yrs

looking back at my 3 yrs, i kinda figure out that i have not really been performing to my standard. i'm pretty sure i could have done better. my year 1 was fantastic, yr 2 and 3 was so-so. so much so that i'm kinda disappointed with myself. i don't blame anyone but myself of my incompetance. i'm pretty sure something must have happened between yr 1 and 2 that cause such a drastic change. the only drastic change in my life during poly is joining an organisation.

yes, i gained exposure,
yes, i gained experience,
yes, i helped people,
yes, i knew more people

but at the same time

yes, i slacked in my work
yes, i neglected many things in life, this include my family
yes, i spend a lot of time which could be spend some other places with some other people.

i'm still trying to ask myself, is everything i do worth it?

i'm trying to convince myself, yes it's worth it